You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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