and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
