Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My balls are so social today.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
