There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
