Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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