Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We need to rekindle our bromance
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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