i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
