I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
