It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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