Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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