his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
