And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
