if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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