Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
