Will you blow on my dice?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
