do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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