I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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