she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
