then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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