i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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