Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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