dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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