too bad you live with your parents still
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How does one acquire holy water?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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