I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
