My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
