why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
