and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
