i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
