Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I touched a dick in church today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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