When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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