Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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