I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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