So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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