what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
