He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
