So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
