I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
