That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
