I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
