I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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