I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
