Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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