I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
