you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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