I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Me too!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
