When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
