Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
