i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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