I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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