problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
