dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this just has baby written all over it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
