i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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