Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
