in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
