He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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