THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hippo gnu deer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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