I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Welp...herpes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
