In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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