I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
