I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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