i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
