my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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