In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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