She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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