and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
