You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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