Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
