I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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