If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
