I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
