She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
