Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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