Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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