I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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