do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
