Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
