Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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