i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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