omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
