Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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